An Intoxicationer boat ride in Sebastian Florida

Sebastian……. It is Florida, but not a touristy type area that international visitors frequent. Think small drinking town with a big fishing problem and Corona commercials. Sebastian sits on the banks of the Indian River Lagoon, where the Intoxicationers are heading today to rent a 22′ pontoon boat.

With all the essentials in hand (full beer cooler) we set off on a 2 hour tour. The weather started getting rough the tiny ship was tossed……….hmm….. Actually none of that happened, it was a beautiful sunny day, rare in September, and a 4 hour rental.

After a 30 minute cruise I drove the boat onto a sand bar, jumped off, planted a longneck on the beach and claimed these lands for America and the Intoxicationers; declaring that no man or women will go without a cold beer once in  awhile. At least while I’m in charge here.

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There are some long sand bars

 

Fishing and boating are popular on the islands
Fishing and boating are popular on the islands

Motoring to a nearby island we found evidence that we were not the first people in these lands. Discovering the boat depicted below and the obvious damage from a large kraken we thought it best not to linger and instead move on to safer waters at least a few hundred feet away.

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Hurricane Jean (2004) deposited this boat on a spoil island in the Indian River Lagoon where she remains.
Spoil Island
Many of the Islands have beautiful beaches. Families from Miami to Orlando will often camp on the Islands for the weekend. This is primitive camping as there are no facilities available.

We slowly drifted away from the islands into the deep and treacherous waters of the lagoon. With each delicious beverage consumed I was becoming more acutely aware of my surroundings and the dangers that lay within. As a result I was aware and prepared when I saw a flock of Jurassic pterodactyl looking thingies (pelicans) approaching, obviously with evil intent.

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The Pelican Island National Wildlife refuge is located in the lagoon near Sebastian. Pelicans are routinely seen gliding just above the water.

I immediately manned the boat’s air defense system (rod holders) and attempted to launch an aerial assault; however I  was thwarted in my attempts by lack of crew cooperation and any viable ammunition. I began shouting,  “abandon ship and swim for your lives” , only then noticing that the attackers bombs from their bowels had missed and were falling harmlessly in the lagoon. HA HA HA they missed! I reveled in our good fortune and downed another longneck.

Just as I was feeling impervious to attack I noticed large ripples on the water and dorsal fins breaking the surface. My hand tightened on my beer koozy and I readied myself for the next threat. It appeared a large contingent of man eating amphibious creatures  (bottlenose dolphin) were encircling our boat.

 

 

Not wanting to repeat my mistake with the aerial assault system I began to consider what resources we had aboard that could repel this impending attack…….Ahha empty beer bottles and gasoline. I had unknowingly prepared us for this attack by emptying numerous beer bottles into my throat. I instructed the Intoxicationers to rip their t-shirts into cloth strips and began to submerge the empty bottles into our fuel tank. Just then my crew members began to grab hold of me and say, “calm down calm down.” I was incredulous, how could they be calm when we all were obviously in peril! At this point I was worried and feared for my wife’s life as I had let her life insurance lapse just the previous day.

I then noticed that the creatures were blowing air out of holes in the top of their heads in a threatening manner. These appeared to be like torpedo tubes installed directly into their craniums. They were air clearing then flooding their tubes in preparation for the final assault. I thought, so this is how it will end, a torpedo to the pontoon. The swarming man eating creatures appeared to be taunting me, frolicking and playing in the water. I must admit my fellow intoxicationers aboard appeared to be calm, actually pointing their cameras at our attackers and accepting their inevitable fate. Its my belief I had prepared them for just this moment on previous Intoxicationer voyages.

Just then I heard a voice in my head. It was my old friend Captain Jack Sparrow.

Jack dancing with my wife in Malaga
Jack dancing with my wife in Malaga
There was a bot of a misunderstanding when Jack got a little frisky, but we worked it out in the end
There was a bit of a misunderstanding when Jack got a little frisky, but we worked it out in the end. Jack blamed it on the rum.

I had last seen Jack in Malaga, Spain about a year earlier and we had quite an ordeal there, as I recall. What happened was Jack and I walked into this local watering hole and there was this senorita and …..and ………. never mind I’m getting sidetracked……. what Jack had told me was, “ If you find yourself in Sebastian waters, go due north and seek out Captain Red of the Pirate ship Calypso. he always has rum”  Hearing Jack’s voice in my head seemed to bring back my resolve. I surveyed the situation. Taking the helm I brought us about and went full throttle to the north. I quickly downed another cold beverage, this seemed to lighten the boat and we accelerated even faster now. We were outrunning the attack!

After running at warp speed with our 50 horsepower outboard for what seemed like hours, I spotted the Calypso on the horizon.

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Captain Red and his ship are often seen in the lagoon

Approaching the Calypso, I intended to hail Captain Red and go aboard for a wee bit of rum when our radio blared to life. It was the rental company calling , “Hey where are you idiots, your rental time is up.”

I can’t say I would recommend this adventure for everyone, but if you are the Indiana Jones type, like me or you routinely kayak over Niagara falls or something, give it a try

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There are several restaurants, some with live entertainment along the shoreline if you want to stop in for lunch or dinner from your boat . They include Squid Lips, Captain Butchers, Captain Hirams Resort, Sebastian Tiki  and Mulligans Beach House. Several other bars and restaurants are also available but they do not have docks.

If you are interested in doing this yourself, there are free public boat ramps in Sebastian and also Vero Beach to the south and Palm Bay to the north.  If you need a boat they can be rented for 1/2 day or a full day (8Hours) from Captain Hirams or Sebastian Inlet Marina in the Sebastian area. If you have a large party, rent a pontoon boat. They are great for holding up to 12 people and easy to drive right onto the sandbars and spoil islands. The same area is great for kayaking also but there can be a lot of boat wakes on the weekends. Have fun and be careful out there.

We had fun, you will too!
My trustworthy crew

 

Some resources for doing this yourself

Camping video    –  A great video of a couple guys camping on the spoil islands

Captain Hirams   – In addition to a bar and restaurant they also rent boats and kayaks                                also a hotel if you want to stay overnight, killer bands on weekends nights.

Pelican Island Wildlife Refuge  – info on visiting the refuge and boat tours that go there.

 

 

 

The Intoxicationers visit Cozumel…….again

All summer I sent out emails to the Intoxicationer faithful and many possible new recruits for a short fall trip to one of our favorite destinations, Cozumel Mexico. In November 2014  twelve of us arrived in Cozumel for 5 days of fun and festivities. This was to be our 3rd trip to Cozumel over the last 10 years or so, not including cruise ship ports of call. It seems to be our go-to place as we always have a great time here and the Island is relatively safe, inexpensive and a short flight from Florida where many of the Intoxicationers live.

Intoxicationers on San Francisco Beach Cozumel

We rented a house that could accommodate all of us that was found on the VRBO website. http://www.vrbo.com/65264 . This was actually very inexpensive, divided amongst 11 people. It came out to less then $50 per person per day.

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The closer portion of the pool was shallow for children. Notice the iguana sunning himself on the far ledge.
The view from the 3rd floor palapa hut was stunning, especially at sunset.
The view from the 3rd floor palapa hut was stunning, especially at sunset.

 

We called this the Flintstone house because of the oddly shaped windows

The waterfront at the rear of the property was rocky and there was no beach, however it was excellent for snorkeling. A short 3 minute walk along a path at the waterfront would bring you to beautiful San Francisco beach, so it was the best of both worlds, or beachfronts anyway.

Good snorkeling shoreline
Good snorkeling shoreline
and just a short walk away
and you could get out of the sun for a whee little nip if you liked
and you could get out of the sun for a whee little nip if you liked

We like to travel around the island a bit while we are there so we needed to rent some transportation. Of course we rented from Marguerita at ISIS Rentadora . For the princely sum of $35 per day including full insurance you can be driving this beautiful beach bug yourself.

Stick shift, no seat belts and hope it doesn't rain but what fun!
Stick shift, no seat belts and hope it doesn’t rain but what fun!

While at San Francisco beach at the Ocean VIP Club, we began conversing with our beach waiter, Francisco, and he advised us the club usually closes at 5pm but for larger parties they would stay open for only that party and set up tables directly on the beach for a sunset dinner. That was all we needed to hear. Rather the write more about this I will copy and paste from another Intoxicationers review on tripadvisor.

We were staying in a private house during our time in Cozumel. We made arrangements to have a private sunset dinner in the sand with our large group of 12. The staff had the table set up upon arrival. The food was awesome – I recommend the seafood platter. While everything was wonderful, the staff is what made our dinner here amazing. They were extremely attentive and ready to go above and beyond. They made many custom alterations for us. They were upbeat, fun, and catered to our party crew. Of course, there were tequila shots and a delicious mix that was poured straight into our mouths from the bottle! Francisco was particularly awesome and spoke great English. We enjoyed our experience so much that we booked a second private dinner during our 5 night stay. If you’re looking for a great experience with an awesome crew, this is the place! Will most definitely return!

Some of the other recent reviews on tripadvisor are quite poor but we didn’t experience any of this.

Some Photos from our 2 dinners at Ocean VIP Club on San Francisco Beach:

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Francisco our head waiter was fantastic and made sure the Intoxicationers had a great time.
Francisco joined us for a group photo

 

I believe this was the seafood platter for 2
I believe this was the seafood platter for 2
Sunset a few steps from our table.
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everyone at the table did this except our toddler but some just couldn’t swallow fast enough.
others took off their clothes and drank the entire bottle!
others took off their clothes and drank the entire bottle!

 

We also went on a snorkeling trip which stopped on 3 reefs on the southern part of the island. Its quite easy to hire trips from the crews on San Francisco Beach, price is negotiable depending on how long your trip is and how many are in your party and your negotiating skills.

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on our way to the first snorkel site.
He was to young to snorkel but received some training for next time.
He was to young to snorkel but received some training for next time.

 

We also did the circle island trip to see the wild and less populated east coast of Cozumel. Our first stop on the east side of the Island was the Coconut Shack. The drinks here are made with freshly squeezed limes and grapefruit and are delicious.

Intoxicationers at the Coconut Shack

Quality seating with a view at the Coconut Shack

We continued our trip along the east coast of Cozumel stopping at the handful of bars and souvenir shops that are located there, our final stop was at Coconuts Bar and grill. By this time the Intoxicationers were becoming the very intoxicated. We had a great dinner and a few of their huge blue margaritas.

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This wasn’t her first drink of the day!

The next night we went to the Money Bar to hear the live band and upon rumors that they also served alcoholic beverages there. Was I drugged accidently at the Money Bar? That’s for an upcoming post, but be sure to follow us on facebook and you will know when that post is online.

One of the Intoxicationers decided he was good enough to  join the band on stage.

An Intoxicationer jams with the band
An Intoxicationer jams with the band
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The band sounded great

The entire trip wasn’t all fun and games though. Since we had a young Intoxicationer with us we had some serious training to do. Not only did he get the previously seen snorkel gear training but the full requisite curriculum.

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Full bar seat training including mounting and dismount
Advanced swing bar seat training
Major jet ski training
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and of course the island scooter course

In short the trip was a major success and a great time was had once again.

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Enjoying the pool at paradise beach club

After 5 days of fun in the sun the intoxicationers boarded their various flights back to the USA with suntans and memories to carry themselves through until our adventures continue.

In my next Cozumel post ill give some tips and strategies for making the most out of your trip to Cozumel. Post your Cozumel tips and favorite places in the comments section below.

PS. I’m new at the blogging thing and most of these pictures were taken with Iphones, I’m working on equipment upgrades to improve your experience on this site, although the pictures seem to be much better if you click on them to make them larger. *edit getting the picture thing figured out, they are much clearer now.

Dale Blankenship
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Dale Blankenship

Living in Florida and working as an air traffic controller for 25+ years. Publisher of the Intoxicationers.com website.
Dale Blankenship
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Who or what are the Intoxicationers?

We are an eclectic group of family and friends that have been traveling together for about 15 years. Many great times have been had but the best may be yet to come as our group seems to be growing year by year.

To become an Intoxicationer you simply have to go on one of our trips or vacations. Once an Intoxicationer, always an Intoxicationer. At least we haven’t had to throw anyone out yet!

We started by going on a few cruises together throughout the Caribbean on Carnival and Royal Caribbean cruise lines. We have since travelled to Cozumel Mexico several times, Costa Rica, Hawaii, Europe and Brazil.

Do you want to be an Intoxicationer? Let me know why or why not in the comments section below.

Happy hour at Corcovado, overlooking Rio de Janeiro
Happy hour at Corcovado, overlooking Rio de Janeiro